How to get what you want
Do you know what you really want from life? And do you know how to get it? For the past 3 weeks I have been traveling in the South of Thailand with my baby. This trip has taught me a big lesson so far about how to get what we want and need. I want to share my experiences with you because I feel like this is something that concerns us all.
I have left Vienna to go on this trip for different reasons but one of them was that Vienna didn’t feel like home anymore and I felt like I needed more room to breathe and space to clear my head. I have often in my life felt the urge to just leave everything behind. I had left India to move back to Austria a year ago because I wanted to move back to where most of my friends lived. I was disappointed and sad to find out that my life as a pregnant woman and later as a mother had changed my relationships. I saw much less of my friends than I used to and felt very isolated. I realised that what “home” meant to me at this stage of my life, was shaped mostly by people. I longed to be part of a community of like-minded souls.
Within the first two weeks on Koh Samui and Koh Phangan I felt like I was on a race. We went from beach to beach and hotel to hotel, never staying anywhere longer than 2 or 3 nights. There was always something unacceptable like bad food, a lack of infrastructure, a smelly room with external bathroom or it was simply too expensive. There was always something that felt like I really couldn't deal with it.
Then we arrived at a resort on Koh Phangan where we met many families who had all come here together, all of them with similar ideas about child rearing, working and traveling. Most of them have online businesses too, teach their kids at home, practice child led weaning, have diaper free babies - it felt like I had fallen from complete chaos right into paradise. Here they were, super friendly and including me and Lou from the beginning in everything.
And then I left again. Because my mattress was stone hard and Lou wouldn’t stop crying. I felt overwhelmed by the last two weeks of crazy traveling with a teething baby and wasn’t at all conscious about the decisions I was taking. I was running away once more. Only when I arrived at a place that was for once truly awful, did I realise that I needed to go back. I didn’t even stay for a whole hour before taking a taxi right back to the place I had just left.
That night I did shamanic work on myself and in trance I finally realised that what I kept running away from wasn’t Vienna or a hard mattress in a room in Thailand but myself. “Paradise is where I am”, said Voltaire. And so is hell, for that matter. That night I realised that what I had come to find I could only find within myself: “Home is where I am.” Whatever it is that we want, we can only find it when we come home to ourselves, when we slow down enough to actually realise where we are. If we don’t know where we are it is very hard to get to where we want to be. I have finally arrived here on Koh Phangan and within myself. I have found people who feel like home to me because I have first found home within myself.
A shamanic journey is an excellent way of slowing down and arriving where we are so that we can then set out to where we want to go. But there are other ways of course, like meditation, walking in the rain, dancing wildly for half an hour, yoga, watching your child sleep, whatever makes you stand still for a while, all thoughts gone, living in this moment.
And so I ask you again: What do you really want from life? Stop whatever you are doing right now and check whether what you do daily is getting you closer to where you want to go or if you are just keeping busy, running away from yourself.You are worth living a life you love. I am always happy to help you on your journey, just drop me a line. Sending you sunshine from Thailand and my love, Lily